Six reasons that creates communication barriers

How do you know whether or not a communication barrier exists in your relationships? Whether personal or professional. What are the signs that you can look out for to tell what is causing the barrier and give you clues to what the solution will be.

Whether at work or at home situations happen that if left unresolved can create a barrier between yourself and others. We want to explore six reasons that causes communication barriers in relationships.

This is the second part on a wider series on communication barriers. Below is our core scripture for this series.

 But your iniquities have separated you from your God. Your sins have hidden his face from you so that he will not hear. Isaiah 59:2 NIV

Rebellion

The first reason is rebellion according to Isaiah 50 verse 1. So you deliberately make a decision or the person deliberately make a decision not to listen or pay attention to what you’re saying. The verse says this is what the Lord says. Where are your mothers divorce papers. Did I give her any to get rid of her? To which any of my creditors? Did I sell you because you were sold because of your sins? I got rid of your mother because of your rebellion.

The verse is using strong language. Because you’re talking about a separation. And the reason why the separation is there is because of rebellion. And when you think about it, it’s like you are told to do something. Then  you do something completely different, or none at all. It’s a common issue, that God had with Israel. Probably still have today and many, parents might have this problem with their children. Its also one of the main problems usually highlighted by many prophets.  Several times Israel were warned about idolatry. Even before they went into Canaan God said to them, do not follow the practices of the people around you or the persons who are living in the land overall. Because they have done some very disgusting things that I don’t like. Don’t do it.

So if you think about a father or a mother speaking to a child, listen, do not do this. It’s wrong. And they still do it. So you can understand the level of anger God had against the people because of this issue.

Say we think about how somebody doing something deliberate that you told them not to. How it can incite anger inside. Just because this person did not take the time out to listen and to do something in our particular way. You have said it multiple times, you have advocated for this not to happen and they still do it. Now you see what we’re talking about. It’s the deliberate action, the rebellion or the person choosing to do something totally opposite.

Another example how this can play out is in a relationship where somebody is unfaithful. And they have demonstrated that they are not committed to the relationship overall by their actions. And you can see how hurtful something like this is and how it can cause separation.

The person makes you angry

The second reason is when the person makes you angry. This builds on the first reason. Moses wrote in Deuteronomy 32, verse 19, says I will turn away from them and find out what will happen to them. They are devious people, children who cannot be trusted. I think the NIV version mentioned whole idea of God being angry. They are doing something to make him angry.

Go back to the rebellion argument in terms of doing something deliberate. Moses described the people as devious and they cannot be trusted. So you see because of their character and their actions  God decided to turn away from them and observe what will happen to them. This is showing us that when a person demonstrates that they can’t be trusted, this can cause separation. They have broken the trust that was shared. That is a problem, and that can cause communication barriers, cause separation and affect the interaction, overall.

Imagine where you have invested time, emotions, energy, everything. To build this relationship or you do your best on the job. You really love the person, your work, you go out of your way to demonstrate your love or you go out of your way to ensure that you are performing at your best. But they have broken your trust. Like, that’s hard to swallow and this can not only ignite anger, but it can also destroys the trust that you have between you and the person or the organization.

Ignoring what others say

The third reason that causes communication barriers in relationships is being ignored.

There’s nothing worse than not being heard. In the book of Joshua chapter 7 verse 11, God said: Israel have sinned. They have ignored the requirements that I have placed on them. They have taken what I claim for myself and put it among their own goods. They have not only stolen, but they also lied. So this also brings out reason number 4 and five.

So there’s nothing worse than you’re saying something to somebody and they’re not listening. Children do this a lot to their parents. You’re talking to your child and then they say yea and before you even finish the sentence, they start to walk off. So you can tell that you’re talking to them, you’re sharing and you realize they’re not listening to one word you’re saying.

Another example is when an organisation say they invite employee feedback. You share suggestions and nothing after that. Or you work hard to meet your targets and company targets, taking on extra work and nothing. Another example is when you report that something needs fixing to your boss and the urgency and the repairs are not done hindering your work. These things can create barriers and mistrust.

Another example is when a wife asks her husband to do something. Say they are planning to clear a debt with some extra money they got, say a work bonus. And instead of clearing the debt the husband decides to buy a new car without his wife knowing. Another example is a husband suggests a particular contractor to do repairs around the home but the wife decides to go with a friend and the person does a poor job costing more to repair than it would have cost to go with the other contractor.

They are many other examples that can be shared. But you get the idea of how mistrust and being ignored can cause communication barriers.

Stealing and lying

The fourth reason is stealing. This is when a person you trust, violates the trust by stealing from you. That’s a big issue. And then on top of that they lied to you about it.

An example of this is when  unfaithful partners are confronted about their actions and you’ll hear a good story as to why they made the decision. They’re trying to cover their tracks. They’re trying to not to give you answers.

Another example is if you hire someone to take care of your elderly parent. You ensure that all the resources for their comfort is in the house. But after a while you notice that you are spending more than you should. Only to realize the person you hired is helping themselves. Going shopping in your house instead of the supermarket.

These are the situations that can cause communication barriers as well as separation.

Wicked behaviour

The last reason, according to the prophet Jeremiah, is wicked behaviour. The prophet  said in chapter 5 verse 25: your wickedness has turned these things away. Your sins have kept good things away from you.

Jeremiah is showing us that there is another barrier in terms of behaviour. So wicked behaviour causes communication barrier between you and others.

An example of this is when a  slim woman at a gym insults someone who is bigger in body. That experience can put a barrier between the two women and also the gym. Another example is when a person takes their car to the mechanic to be fixed only for the mechanic to do something else takes the money and tells the person to come back. Another example is going into a store to buy something and being insulted by the attendant. Or you go to return a bad product, only for the customer service personnel to give you attitude. 

From the perspective of our relationship with God sinful behaviour is what the bible emphasizes. Disobedience to God’s laws. And right throughout the old testament we see the struggle between God and Israel over idolatry, witchcraft, sexual immorality and the lack of love towards others affecting the relationship.

Conclusion

These are the six reasons that causes communication barriers in a relationship. Rebellion, the person makes you angry. Ignoring what others say, stealing from the person, telling a lie and also wicked behaviour. So you can use these six things to identify communication barriers in your life. It can help you evaluate if there is a barrier between you and your loved ones, your co-workers. Between you and God and you and yourself.

As you do your analysis and reflection ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are any of these reasons present in my relationship between myself and:
    • God,My co-workers,
    • My friends,
    • My neighbours,
    • My children,
    • My spouse,
    • My family members,
    • My church family

That’s the reflection for this week. As always, love you. God bless and one love.

What are the communication barriers that impact relationships

There are situations and events that affect how we relate to co-workers, boss, friends, or family members.

Have you ever been in a situation where, you are talking with someone and no matter what you are saying the information is just not translating. It is like there is something blocking your words from the other person understanding what you are saying. That my friend is called communication barriers.

The prophet Isaiah offers some insight as to what these barriers are. This post will explain in detail what they are,  with a few practical examples.

“But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you, that he will not hear.” (Isa 59:2, KJV)

Communication barriers are a widespread problem that affect many people daily. Whenever you are relating to people, things happen, and it can affect how we relate. It affects the quality of our relationships and how well information is processed and received by others.

For example, someone said something to you that was very hurtful. This person could be a co-worker or family member. The situation was never resolved. From that day, it is like you look at the person differently. You relate to the person differently. The relationship is not the same. And a barrier is formed between you and the individual after that incident.

To resolve these situations and remove these barriers one must get a clear picture as to how the Bible defines it. Also understanding the tools it provides to remove these barriers altogether.

Unresolved issues

The first definition is unresolved issues that causes separation within a relationship. The verse in Isaiah 59:2 says your iniquities have separated you from God. The keyword here iniquities. This is a sign that things that yourself or another person disagree with can cause a divide in the relationship.

This is something that can happen over time. And it drives a wedge between you and the person. Maybe it’s a behaviour trait. Or the tone in which the person talks to you. Maybe it’s what they say over time. Maybe it’s something that they are doing. So, it could be anything. But the key here, is that this thing drives a wedge between you and another person.

So, it could be unfair treatment and on the job you’re overlooked constantly. What they you’re overlooked for a promotion. It could be a situation where you’re consistently given a lot of work. You are a high performer, but you are not recognized for it at your workplace. Maybe it’s that you go above and beyond for your children and they never appreciate what you do. Or you go above and beyond for your partner, your spouse, whether it be your husband or your wife and they never see.

Another example could be the person does something that you dislike. And no matter how many times you talk about it or point out that you prefer the person not to do this anymore. And they continuously do the same thing with no regard for you. Things like that can cause separation. It can also be something that is so hurtful that you decide to walk away.

These are the things that can cause a barrier between you and somebody. They become barriers because it is unresolved. These unresolved issues cause people to hate or dislike which in turn creates the barrier.  

A deliberate decision not to listen

The second definition is a deliberate decision not to listen to or avoid someone. So this is building on the first point. Where the event happened. Or you recognize this issue is taking place and it’s unresolved. Now let’s take it a step further. Because of this issue, you decided to deliberately not to listen to the person until the issue is resolved. That’s also a communication barrier within a relationship.

For example, your spouse is unfaithful. That act of unfaithfulness creates a division within the relationship. Also following the discovery communication is difficult because your trust has been broken. For some persons this type of situation is unforgivable. This is because there’s nothing to resolve as their trust has been violated. There’s nothing the person can say or do in order to regain that trust.

Let’s look at it in context of our relationship between us and God. The prophet Isaiah says sin, the things we do that are not pleasing to God it affects our relationship with him. There’s now a barrier between us and God and he will not hear you until the matter is resolved.

That’s where forgiveness comes in. God made a deliberate effort to restore the broken relationship with humanity. God put a system in place for us to follow to restore broken relationships and remove communication barriers.  

Communication barriers impact our interactions with others  

In essence, a communication barrier is really a record of wrong that we hold on to. That we use now as a lens to view the relationship between us and a person, or even an organization through. So, it is an issue or an action or event that causes separation between two parties. This issue creates conflict, and it shapes the overall interaction, so the event itself or the issue affects the interaction. So, the communication is more than just speaking and words.

It can cause uncomfortable communication between two parties. Also, the issue can cause one party to respond in a particular way. It’s a record of wrong that causes a person not to hear another person. It can bring you to the place of malice and you don’t talk to people; you cut off communication altogether. Some persons, because of how they’re treated, they don’t do business with a particular entity or person.  This is because of their actions and how they do business overall and these are things that can cause barriers between you and people.

How to remove communication barriers

God is not a God of barriers. God is a God of building relationship. And Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians church says God has given us the Ministry of Reconciliation. So forgiveness, reconciling and dealing with the issue becomes a very important aspect of how we deal and treat with the communication barriers.

If we leave the barrier there, It affects how we function, because a part of us shuts down because of this issue. And in some situations how you think.

There’s also a barrier within us

There’s also the barrier that it’s not between us and another person, but within ourselves. Think about this, an event happened. No fault of anybody, but something unfortunate. Because of this event, there’s a barrier within you. And a particular way of acting. Think of somebody crossing the road because of the fear of being hit by a car. The trigger is an event you witnessed years ago. Or you’re just uncomfortable with the situation. For some persons they can’t see what’s coming clearly so they are afraid to do it.

 Past events, past memories and past issues can create a barrier between us and our true personality. Where we are either afraid, we become anxious. It’s triggering. But there’s a barrier between our true self, and how we behave currently. There’s a part of us that is protected because we don’t want to be hurt again or we’re trying to preserve ourselves from a repeat of a particular painful memory.

 It’s not to say that the issue It’s not there it’s real. But I want to highlight that this barrier exists between your true self and who you are at the moment. So there’s a limiting factor. There’s a barrier between your true personality coming to the surface and who you are at the moment. almost as if there’s a divide and you’re holding yourself back. people have their reasons why they do this. It’s a defense mechanism to deal with past trauma. And this is something that over time should be addressed. By seeking counselling and help.

Conclusion

To end our conversation, I want to remind you that communication barriers does exist. We can identify them by looking at how we interact with our family, friends, co-workers and even strangers. It also affects our relationship with God and even creates a barrier within ourselves.

We also recognize that unresolved issues and making a deliberate decision to avoid and not listen to others are the barriers we create.

I want to encourage you to really look at exploring what communication barriers you have in your life. Look at how it affects how you interact with others. Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are there any separation between myself and:
    •  My family
    • My friends
    • My co-workers
    • My boss
    • God
    • Myself
  2. Are there any unresolved issues that needs to be addressed?
  3. Do I refuse to listen to a particular type of person?
  4. Are there activities that I love but don’t do because of past experiences?
  5. Are there anything in my life that affects my communication with others?
  6. Do I want to continue this way or do I want to resolve this issue and move forward with my life?

Think about these questions as you go through your day. Until we meet again one love.

Choose to live your authentic self

There’s a thing going around where people copy what other people are doing. They see something they like about a person and then add what they like to how they approach life.

That in and of itself is neither good nor bad, but have you ever felt like you are hiding behind something. Like there’s a shakle around you preventing you from being you.

If you can identify then you know what I’m talking about. Like you are trying to live up to a certain expectation and anything below that is not welcomed.

This is the sort of situation where life starts to get complicated. This is even worse on the job, when your boss or colleagues expects a certain thing from you. In a committed relationship this also plays out when your spouse expects you to be like them or react to stuff they way they react or even see the world as they do.

This kind of pressure also plays out when parents place unrealistic expectations on the shoulders of their children.

When you live behind that mask and pressure trying to keep up, life becomes unbearable. Do you want to live your life like that? I know I don’t.

Know is not the time to replicate what is already here. Now is the time to be you. Act weird, dress funny, talk different and even have opposing views. And that’s OK.

God made us to be different, but the idea of collaboration, community and relationships is all about making a contribution that moves things forward. Doing you in such a way that without you and how you do it life wouldn’t be the same.

That’s why it’s important to choose your authentic self everytime. Without you and the way you look at things matter.

What I’m trying to say is you matter, more than you realize. Don’t let no one else tell you different.

Never underestimate your influence

A few years ago I was traveled with my coworkers to Duncan’s Trelawny on the yearly heritage tour.

Our first stop was Duncan’s All age school. Just before the presentations started a teacher came up to me introduced herself and said she wanted to meet me.

The reason was because she listened one of the radio programs I produced at the time called Jamaicas promise. She also commented on the work that I was doing and that she listened every week.

This came as a surprise to me because feedback on the work I do is very limited if I hear anything at all. So to get that positive feedback was encouraging.

The point I’m trying to make is this never underestimate the influence you have on people even when you never hear it. People are watching you from afar, taking notes and adjusting as they go along.

If you drop the ball, or don’t even realize how much impact you have, even it’s small what you do matters to somebody.

Never underestimate the value you bring to others. Something to think about….

Ps. The picture is one of the main thing that caught my interest at Duncan’s All age.

What Romain Virgo and The Mitchell can teach you about marketing.

There are a couple of jamaican artist I find interesting online. Romain Virgo and Tami and Wayne Mitchell.

I got introduce to them through my wife. She is a fan of their content on YouTube. The interesting thing about it is that she binge watch videos and the new ones that comes out.

The Mitchell’s vlog is Tami Chin and her husband Wayne Marshall talking about interesting stuff about their day. They include all aspect of their lives. Their children and so on.

After watching a few videos I became hooked at how they were able to rapidly grow their audience on YouTube to the point they have now become sought after host for various events.

Romain Virgo is the same. He build his YouTube audience taking us behind the scenes about his life as a musician and his daily interactions with his wife. It may seem boring on the surface but watching it will get you hooked.

Here are a couple marketing lessons I learnt from both of them.

Document what you do.

None of the content they post is planned. All they do is document there day and then edit and share. Nothing over complicated. All we are getting is access to their lives.

What we can learn from this is don’t over complicate your content strategy. Make it as simple as possible to go from idea to publish content. Make it apart of your daily routine to document something you want to share.

Later you can edit it down before publishing it online. And you can select what aspect to share.

Documenting also saves you time. Because it only takes a few minutes to record a video or write something down.

Share your struggles

For my wife she is attracted to what the children do. In adidition to that how the wives handle certain challenges which is also one other reason why she watches so often.

Wayne Marshall got me hooked with his various stories. He talked about how one of his friends put Marijuana in his bag and how he got caught with it in the US and how it affected his life.

There was another story about how he ended up in a difficult encounter with the law. These are true stories.

Romain shares about his early encounter in the music business. What life is like on tour.

My wife loves his wife and how she handles herself and the children. All they do is give us access to their lives.

What they share also helps others feel they are not alone in there struggles. Which builds the connection with the audience.

Engage your audience.

Tami and Wayne receive letters, gifts from people who watch their content. They also ask persons to help them support a worthy cause.

They also talk about current events. There was one video they were watching the elections in the US. I think they did a similar one for the local elections as well.

There was various videos about the lockdown and how they are dealing with school.

I remember once Wayne was working on a project and went to the hardware store to buy tools.

Embrace partnership to grow your reach.

Both Romain and the Mitchell’s embrace this concept. They are influencers in there own right but they also have an asset they can leverage.

Private sector companies reached out to them for various things.

In Christmas the Mitchell’s did a giveaway and one of the partners was grace Kennedy. They had others but that one I remember distinctly. And was able to reach there goal.

Romain did a entire video about a video shoot that involved his children. All of that came from documenting his journey.

The ad will be placed in various media outlets and lots more people will be exposed to his brand.

Conclusion

Don’t overcomplicate things when using online platforms to market yourself. Document what you do, edit and share.

Control the distribution

There is a popular saying that content is king. But I know alot of great content creators who are still trying to get the word out about their work.

They are even some that are highly dependent on others to do the distribution for them. This puts a restriction on what gets out and how often things can go out.

An example of this was in 2020 Tye Tribbett wanted to release a song. His label has reservations. He went on a rant on the internet about the issue.

I don’t know all the details except what I saw but my concern was this was a known headlining gospel artist that had little control of how his music is put out.

Compare that with Lacrae who has his own label. Even though he was signed to a major label for awhile he controls his distribution of his music.

Another example is Jamaican artist. They create lots of music but have little to no access to an audience. They have fans but they don’t control the method to reach them.

Think about it, you write and record a song. Shoot a video or whatever and then try to get other people to send it out for you. Part of that is what is known as influencer marketing.

Some try to get interviews on various platforms. Others get someone else to get the word out entirely.

What if there is a way that you can reach your audience directly. People who know you and want to here from you? Well you can. Build an audience for yourself and talk to them directly.

Seth Godin wrote about a concept called permission marketing. Which is simply get permission to contact someone who is interested in what you are doing.

The simplest way is email. The other is social media following. But the goal is to create a method to reach your fans directly that you control.

Though you may use other methods. Make sure you build an asset that you control.

Tyler perry built his empire organically collecting emails from persons who visited his plays.

Work at building that audience and overtime you will be in a position to expand your reach.

How I stop procrastination

Lack of ideas can kill creativity. The next close thing is procrastination.

This whole idea of do it later, I have more than enough time to finish can lead to mad dash to complete critical projects.

This situation has caught me several times. I remember working on a project got the main parts done only to finish it up. What happened was I put it off for a few days and ended up have to rush to finish it.

Here are some tips that helped me tackle procrastination.

  1. Do it now: if something needs to get done dot it now. For example you need to set an appointment to speak to a client instead of putting it off make the call now.
  2. Write down your ideas: another example you have a writing project and have a few ideas write them down as you get it. Outline it as best as you can. Flesh it out as you get the ideas. When you sit down to write you already did most of the work.
  3. Keep an idea journal: if you love to read keep track of quotes that inspire you. Photographers have a look book with shots, poses and composition to draw from. Some marketers have a swipe file with ideas to help them start a project.
  4. Start before you are ready: doing things ahead of time can help youove quickly. Have a project due 2 months from now complete it ahead of time. Do things in bulk and schedule them. Write more than you need. Take more photos than needed. Put plans in place before you need them.

In all cases don’t put it off for later. Get it done now. You may never get around to doing it.

Never give up on your dreams

For many years I always had a deep desire to play piano in church. For many years I sat at the back or on the drums with an image of being able to play by ear.

I asked for help many times from other musicians but somehow I didn’t get all the information they were telling me.

I bought courses, books and watched countless YouTube videos to learn. Until I found a simple system that helped me get the basics. With practice I got better, being able to pick up songs by ear quickly.

I eventually got an opportunity to play piano occasionally in church. I wasn’t as good at first and I was nervous as hell.

I pushed past the feeling of embarrassment and feeling of failure until I got comfortable and learnt from my mistakes.

I got better, even though I may not be like other keyboard players I know. But I reached my goal. What I imagined all those years ago is now reality.

The take away is this, never give up on your dreams. Keep pushing until you figure out what will fast track your growth.