When you’re building a house, you first dig the foundation, add the steel and pour the cement and lay the blocks. If these and other steps aren’t in place the house will not be stable. Now it’s the same with our relationships. They are some important things that must be in place that will ensure long term stability. We explore what they are in this week’s episode.
Core Scripture:
“”A married woman might make a vow that she will do something or swear an oath that she won’t do something. Her husband may hear about it but may say nothing and not object. Then her vow or oath must be kept. But if her husband cancels it when he hears about it, nothing she said in her vow or oath has to be kept. Her husband has canceled it, and the LORD will free her from this vow or oath. “A husband decides whether or not his wife has to keep any vow to do something or any oath to do without something. If he says nothing to her about it day after day, this means he’s decided that she must keep her vow or oath. She must keep it because he said nothing to her when he heard about it. But if he cancels it later, he will suffer the consequences.”” (Num 30:10-15, GW)
Recap:
Last week we looked at 5 Ways Broken Decisions Are Breeding Resentment in Your Relationships. They are:
- Mistrust
- Resentment
- Bitterness
- Verbal abuse
- Division
Point 1: Letting your spouse know what you’re doing
Transparency is very important part of relationship security. As we’ve discussed in this series, you can’t be keeping secrets from your spouse or business partner if you expect things to grow. No matter how difficult the situation or uncomfortable you might feel, pride can’t get in the way of being open and transparent. So ask yourself this question which situation you’d rather be in:
Two business partners working on a project. One is getting the customers and the other is making the product. The sales man finds out that customers love a particular feature and wants more of that. But instead of share the information with his friend and business partner he keeps it to himself. Afterwhile sales start to decline and his don’t know why.
Or consider a husband and wife saving money for a family vacation. The husband finds out he needs to do an emergency surgery that would deplete their savings and would prevent them making the vacation. They both discuss it and find an alternative solution to paying for the surgery.
Which situation would you rather be in? Although having the discussion may be uncomfortable, it will lead to better outcomes.
Another example is in the exodus 18 where Moses was exhausted giving consultation by himself all day. His father in law saw the situation and decided to speak to him about his work. He shared a suggestion for improvement and as a result, Moses later appointed leaders to assist him.
These are just some of the many ways transparency can help create relationship security.
Now lets look at the next point.
Point 2: Evaluating the idea together
Solomon says two are better than one. Imagine Moses reaching the point of burnout and being unable to figure out the cause. What if Jethro had never spoken to him? Would he found a solution? We may never know but the point is having a second pair of eyes and discussing things together will make a big difference.
Now, I know you might ask what if the person is difficult to talk to? What if they are always negative? But what if you look at the situation from their perspective and consider things you may not have thought of, such as Identifying blind spots or alternative ways of doing things? So when Solomon said two are better than one, you begin to see the value in discussing things with your partners.
Lets go back to the two business partners. What if the salesman shared that customers are loving a particular feature, lets focus on this and see where it leads. That tweak turns out to be what push the business to success. This story may sound familiar, and it should, because that’s how Instagram became the platform we know today. What if the discussion never took place? What if there was disagreement and things stalled? Now you begin to see the value of having discussions together no matter how difficult.
This leads me to next point.
Point 3: Respecting the person’s views
One of the laws of listening is that everyone should have a turn to speak. The key to this principle is allowing each person to share. As James says that we must be quick to listen and slow to speak. This enables all ideas to be heard, but it also allows you to listen carefully, evaluate what the person says and gives you time to process the information. Now here’s the important part: respect what they say and respond appropriately.
Imagine sharing an idea with a colleague about how to improve the department’s revenues. You explain how it will work, and back up the numbers to prove it only to be laughed at and embarrassed publicly and dismissed as if you were a dog.
Consider the flip, you present the idea, the same colleague listens keenly, ask follow up questions and then gives you the support you need. Whether the idea succeeds or fail is not the point; what matters is that you were given the time to express your views and listened to. The next time you have an idea of some suggestion, you will be encouraged to share.
The last point I want to make is:
Point 4: Keeping your word
This one is critical. I’ve seen this principle destroy relationships and trust. Keeping your word is one of the fundamental principles to relationship stability. Imagine agreeing with your spouse to pay off the mortgage early with some bonus money from work. The exact bonus is the amount needed and might leave some extra money to do something nice. It’s a milestone you both been looking forward to for a while now. When you check if the mortgage was paid off you suddenly realized your spouse bought a new car with the money. Aside from being upset about the situation would you trust your spouse when he agrees to do something?
The bible emphasizes the importance of keeping your word. In the book of Joshua, Israel made a covenant with one of the nation’s God told them not to. Years later one the Kings completely wipe them out. This angered God and he punished them for what they did. And the reason was they didn’t honor their agreement.
Another familiar situation is the story of Ananias and his wife. Both agreed to sell property and give the proceeds to the church. This was their decision. When they got the money they changed the agreement. They presented to the church the amount they wanted to give, not the agreed amount. Peter speaking to both of them asked them why would they deceive the holy spirit.
The point is, not keeping your word is deceptive. But keep your word builds trust and creates stability in your relationship as your partner knows you are reliable, dependable and trustworthy.
Conclusion
Here are some things to think about:
- Do you keep your word?
- Do you respect the views of others?
- Do you let your partner know what you are doing?
- DO you evaluate ideas together?
Something to think about.