Communication barriers do not happen overnight. They form gradually, often after repeated offenses are observed and left unresolved. According to Deuteronomy 32:19 “the Lord saw this and rejected them because his own sons and daughters made him angry.” This verse reveals a natural process; how unresolved issues can lead to emotional distance and rejection.
In this article, we will explore how communication barriers are created and examine the common responses that appear when problems stay unresolved.
Pay attention to patterns
The first step in the barrier creation process is paying attention to the patterns, changes, and behaviours you see. The scripture says the Lord saw this. So, there is something that you have witnessed or seen. Something you have experienced first-hand. Then you started to notice the behaviour change and you are paying remarkably close attention. You are seeing and studying. You are making a note that this is a problem. But it is just a period where you are studying and seeing and watching what is happening and you are paying attention to these behaviour changes and patterns.
For example, a co-worker may say something to you but used a particular tone that come across as offensive. One time you think it is just a mistake, and you overlook it. Then the person does it again several times. This is when you notice that something may be off. You notice that their interactions with you is strange because compared to others in the environment, you are treated differently.
Another example is when you visit a particular business place. The first time you visit, an employee gave you attitude while helping you with something. You brush it off as a one-time issue. May be the person was just having a bad day. You return to do business again, and you realize the attitude is the same if not worse. Because you are doing something important you do not let it bother you. Then you went back a third time, and you start to realize that something is off with how you are being treated. What you are doing is noticing a pattern.
A similar thing can happen when you interact with family members. Say one morning you wake up and not feeling like yourself. We all have those days and say your spouse or one of your children came to you for something and your response was not the best or very welcoming. One time, they may think you are having an off day. But say a similar encounter happen again and you notice that they start to avoid you all together. Or even be cautious when approaching you. In your mind you are puzzled by why but if you trace the interactions overtime you notice a pattern. Whenever you are in a particular mood those around you behave differently.
Analyse the behaviour
The second step is to analyse the behaviour or patterns. So, noticing the behaviour or pattern is just the beginning. The next step in the process is to analyse the information. You start to look at what the person did and why they did it. Analysing what they are trying to achieve. You start to do some level of internal processing, deep meditation about the problem over time. You’re not only spending time seeing the behaviour, but you are also studying it, you are analysing it, you are looking at the impact that it has on you. Which will lead you to decide as to how to respond.
Deciding how to respond
The third stage is deciding how to respond. The key question you are trying to answer is now that you notice this pattern what you are going to do about it. It is at this stage where the communication barriers are erected. The barrier comes as a direct response to the issue. So, whenever there is a barrier, it is a response, a decision as to how you are going to deal with the perceived threat. Now you can begin to see that separation comes when someone decides that this is the best way to handle this issue.
If I notice this behaviour or pattern, this is how you respond every time, even if it is a different person. For example, a female may notice a particular behaviour in one of her male co-workers that reminds her of an earlier unpleasant experience she has. This is a perceived threat or may result in a harmful outcome, so she responds a particular way. Another example if someone has a negative experience with a police officer, if another officer stops them, they automatically expect to be treated the same way, so they respond to the officer in a like manner. So, once you notice that behaviour, your automatic response would be to separate yourself from this person. That is where the barrier comes in. Even if the person does not do anything to you personally, or once you see the behaviour it triggers your response mechanism. You say, you must protect yourself from this type of person because this is dangerous territory. That is what happens over time. We see the behaviour. We analyse the behaviour. Then you decide on how you are going to respond.
5 common responses to threats
Now that you have gone through the process, it is important to understand the common responses that may occur according to the Scriptures that a person may choose to do because of seeing something harmful.
The LORD is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous. Proverbs 15:29 (NIV)
Rejecting the person
Rejecting the person means you decide to end all interaction with them. You made up your mind that you want to have nothing to do with them. There is no way you are going any further. That is it. That is what Moses wrote that God rejected the people because of what he saw. An example of this is choosing not to travel with a particular taxi company or refusing to travel with a particular driver. Switching phone companies because of poor service is another example. Ending a relationship with a spouse because of mistreatment is another example. Resigning from a company seeking better employment is another example of this. Some cases refusing to work with a particular person.
Getting rid of the person
The second response is getting rid of the person. So now, it is not only about rejecting them. It is removing them now from your personal life and personal space. This is where you are talking about the ending of the relationship. Not accepting any more calls, no more check ins and following on social media. The total wiping out of the memory that this person never existed in your life and you try to avoid them, these are deliberate decisions. You are taking the steps now to cut them off completely.
Avoiding the person
The third response, according to Proverbs 15:29 is avoiding the person. It says the Lord is far from wicked people, but he hears the prayers of righteous people. Far from meaning you do not go near them. You are doing your best avoiding any form of interaction or conversation. You do not really go near to them. You are distancing yourself. For example, whenever certain countries get tense or is unsafe for persons, governments may issue travel advisories. They say listen, if you are going to travel to this location be careful or do not go because the area is not safe. Some would say do not go to these places at this moment unless you must.
Hiding things from the person & keeping things away from the person
The fourth and fifth common responses are hiding things and keeping things away from persons. For example, some people will not share opportunities or information because they do not like somebody. The person’s name come up and they say no, do not do business with that person. Avoid them like the plague. They will say this person cannot be trusted. These are the things that can happen because of communication barriers. Another example if you have an issue with a co-worker and they are struggling with something you know how to fix and you refuse to help them because of an unresolved issue.
Conclusion
Whenever there is an observed pattern that can harm us, how we respond matters. These common responses are some of the ways the bible highlight that a communication barrier exist. These common responses occur because of past trauma, unresolved issues or conflict between you and others. As part of your reflection this week, ask yourself:
- have you gone through the barrier creation process and erected a barrier between:
- You and God
- You and other people,
- and you and yourself.
- Are you using any of the common communication barrier responses?
Something to think about for this week. God bless and one love.